The Tour De France started today. BJ and I watch every year….man, we ARE exciting people! It took me nearly an hour to get the TV, cable box and DVR all sorted out so that we got the English soundtrack and were able to record the coverage. This was not as easy as one might imagine since all of the built-in menus and prompts were in Dutch but, in the end, I had my way with it and for a while we watched.
We were so inspired watching world-class athletes on $5000 bicycles that we decided to go out and shop for proper Dutch city-bikes for ourselves. Now I should at this point explain that a proper Dutch city-bike is at its most fundamental level a real piece of crap. Bike theft in the city is frighteningly common and so the Dutch, in their pragmatic way, do their best to make sure that their bike looks less attractive to thieves than does the one parked next to it. No frills, as much corrosion as possible and a lock and chain that would resist a small nuclear explosion are all the mark of a real, proper Dutch city-bike.
We had been advised to check with Mac-Bikes, a bicycle rental agency, for used bicycles. The nearest was at Museumplein, so we jumped on the tram and rode over. It took a bit but with the help of both paper and iPhone maps we located Mac-Bikes. Inquiring within we were informed that this particular store did not have any bikes for sale but that another Mac-Bikes just 2.5k away would certainly have some in the 80 to 100 Euro range. Well, great….that’s the kind of price we wanted so off we walked.
On the way we passed a building with a latin inscription on a frieze above tall arched entrance gates:
“Homo Sapiens non urinat ventum” This translates to: “A Wise Man Does Not Piss In The Wind”
The apocryphal story is that the way that came about is that the architects of that particular building, (it is the 1991 refurbishment of an old prison and now contains a shopping mall, a casino and several other venues.), Zaanen, Spanjers CS Architecten were so fed up with the red tape thrown up during the planning process and they grew so weary of the vanity of developers and city hall alike that they cheekily decided to put it up there. They figured none of the councillors or dignitaries would be clever enough to object to it during the planning process…. they didn’t.”
Some research on the internet turned up this quote from the one of the architects explaining his rational: “Roman gates always carry Latin inscriptions. I chose this particular text, because there had been a lot of hassle in the run-up to the building. There were supporters and detractors, especially locals, no positions in-between. It nearly took fifteen years before the work could start. This is why I figured this to be an apt aphorism.”
Gotta love it!
To go on….
A couple of kilometers and only one wrong turn later we found ourselves at another Mac-Bike location. This being a Saturday there was only one employee on hand and his time was taken up with repairs for two other people ahead of us so we patiently wandered about the small shop looking at bicycles and their price tags. It seemed that €350 to €600 was the price range represented. That was not reassuring.
Eventually the gentleman had time to ask us if he could be of service. We explained our desire to purchase two used bicycles and he informed us that the bicycles outside were the only ones for sale. Those were 5 old rental bikes with priced from €250 to €400 (not the 80 to 100 Euro we’d heard of)…I pointed to the bikes we’d seen inside with price tags on them and was told that those were customer bikes……no further information. We assumed that they were for sale on consignment, thanked the man and took our leave. It looks like the Mac-Bike lead was sort of a bum-steer. Our stomachs told us it was getting toward lunchtime and being charitable and cautious, we listened to them.
After deciding that Chinese sounded good, BJ said that she knew of a good place in Chinatown….right across the street from the Buddhist temple (??) and we set off in search of that. It turns out that sometimes BJ’s sense of direction is better than at others. This was not to be one of those times.
While practicing the time-honored navigational method known as ‘spiraling in’ we found an ‘Antique Mall’ that we’d read about. Looier Arts & Antiques market is at Elandsgracht 109 and is the largest permanent indoor antique market in the Netherlands. This is a fun place to wander….there are 75 or so stands inside the block-long mall.
We didn’t see anything of ‘real’ value but there’s a heck of a lot to look at…..including an Elvis portrait made of two approximately 5’ x 2.5’ panels….either a diptych or a room divider, I don’t know which.
Following that diversion, we did find the Buddhist temple and Chinatown and the restaurant BJ remembered. We entered, found a seat and eventually ordered. The food took a while, (measured in beers consumed) but was quite good although I hadn’t before eaten Chinese that had so much saffron and curry as ingredients. Sort of Chin-Indian?
Back on the streets, walking along in the general direction of Oud Kirk (old church), BJ saw an alley she recognized from previous trips and said “Let’s go down this way”. OK…let’s! This alley was only about a meter-and-a-half wide….maybe 5 feet…..and there were lots of people travelling in both directions within. As we progressed I realized that my wife had led me deep into the Red Light District. This is a trap, I thought, if I appear to take an interest in anything I’m a doomed man! Well, let me tell you….I kept my head up, my eyes forward and behaved myself like the good husband I am….in spite of the scantily clad women on the other side of all those glass doors….as we passed in single file, BJ in the lead, the women would nod to BJ (hello, Sister) and then beckon to me (c’mere big-boy….I’ve got something for you).
Perhaps even more interesting than the girls was the public. There were college boys (of course), bachelor parties (naturally), college girls (some of the flesh on display was male), bachelor-ette parties (see previous comment),…in that it was only about 5:00 pm there were also Fathers, Mothers, and their children. ( Later on as it gets dark and negotiations begin in earnest, the families tend to disappear.) It seems that in the Netherlands sex, even paid sex is considered to be a normal, natural and healthy activity and is fully accepted at all levels of society. Amen!
Oh…..and no, it wasn’t a trap. It just happens that my lovely bride is one of the most tolerant and trusting people I’ve ever met and believes that in order to understand a culture one must be aware of ALL facets of that culture. There are many reasons I love that woman!
We did see a couple more alleys and shops and witnessed a wedding being held on the street as we found our way to the appropriate tram-stop and went home to finish watching the recording of the opening day of the Tour.
Does the bride (or groom) work here?
We hadn’t found our bikes yet but we were narrowing the search.